silent tears

"Mom, when we get China baby will we teach her that she doesn't have to cry silent tears?" Asked by Caleigh while laying on China baby's bed in the room that she'll share with Caitlin, as she watched me switch out clothes in the drawers. Y'all. I'm not a crier (though it seems this adoption is attempting to make me one) - but I almost burst into tears right there. 

The purpose in our adoption was not to open our kids' eyes to the lonely, the oppressed, the unloved, but it's doing that. Actually the purpose in our adoption was not about us at all. That's one thing that has been sticking with me these past couple weeks. We are not adopting for us. Adoption is not primarily because we want more kids (though we do), not because we feel like we don't have enough kids (though the world would say we definitely do), not about us at all. Adoption is not about finding the right child for us. If I think that the adoption is about me, about fulfilling something in me, or saying something about me, or achieving something for me, then I am setting myself up for disappointment and failure. Adoption is about the child. It's for the child. It's about her, loving her, serving her, being a family (THE family) for her. I think that's why I internally cringe when people hear we're adopting and say, "What, you didn't think you had enough kids already?" 

But it's not about us. It's about God and the narrow road that he's calling us to walk in this life. Does it look countercultural sometimes? Yes, totally. And that's a good thing. They will know we are Christians by our love. 

Caleigh's question that typical Thursday morning is just part of the normal conversation around our house. We were talking awhile ago about how orphanages are unusually quiet because the babies don't really cry. They learn as infants that crying - out of hunger, out of a desire to be held, out of a need for a diaper change - doesn't illicit any response and so they cease crying when they need something. We've talked about how with China baby we'll be celebrating different milestones. For example when she cries for something from us, we'll be so glad. When she gets hurt and comes to us for comfort, we'll rejoice. Because it means she is opening her heart. She is trusting us. Oh how we pray for that! So yes to you, Caleigh. Yes, absolutely we will teach her that she doesn't have to cry silent tears anymore. And we will teach her with love. "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corin 13:13). 

 (Can you spot the baby panda?) 

the all important LID

The China process for adoption is very streamlined. They've got a system and everything flows by the system and basically never deviates.

This is one thing I'm so thankful for with our adoption of our sweet baby girl. 

Typically, a family receives their log-in date about 1-4 weeks after their dossier to China (DTC) date. We got our log in date on Monday (6/13/16), a little more than 2 weeks after our dossier was sent to China.

Basically having the log-in date means that we are officially logged into the CCCWA's system and are able to receive a child's file when they become available. SO exciting! And yet...

Now we wait. We know the Lord knows who our China baby is. Adoption is His good plan for a world that is wasting away from sin - a good plan for a bad world. I wish that every child could grow up in their biological family, that no child had to endure the pain of separation from that which they once knew, that no child knew what it was like to be truly hungry, to be truly alone, to be neglected in terrible ways. And one day Jesus will come back and make that happen, He will come and make all things new (Rev 21:5).

But for now, on this side of heaven, we wait. We wait for heaven and long and hope for that day with eager anticipation. And we live as God calls us to live on earth in light of that. I am so sad for the brokenness and sadness that our daughter will know before she even comes to us, the depth of it that I can't even understand having not experienced it myself. But I am so thankful for a God who sees, El Roi (Gen 16:13). He knows our baby fully. He knit her together, not in my womb, but in her first mother's womb. With intention, with purpose. And I just pray that as we wait, as she waits, that her little heart will hold onto hope. Hold onto the hope that God sees her. That He cares for the orphan and He has a plan for her. That He will soon change her name - that she will no longer be called orphan, abandoned, unwanted, but beloved daughter, precious sister, beautiful grandbaby. And though her story involves pain and hurt, God has a good plan for her life --a plan to prosper her and not to harm her, a plan for a hope and a future. 

I wear a necklace often that says, "Blessed is she who has believed that He would fulfill his promise to her." It's from Luke 1:45 and it is Elizabeth speaking to Mary when she is pregnant with Jesus our Savior. 

And blessed is our China baby, who believes that the Lord would fulfill his promise to her, that "he sets the lonely in families" (Psalm 68:6). Pray for us as we wait, and especially for our girl as she waits. She is the one whose circumstances as she waits are dismal. The waiting time goes by quickly sometimes for us with big kids activities and time with family and friends and summer and school, but for her the waiting time is the same. The same crib. The same food. Nothing to look forward to. So please pray for her. She is so loved and treasured by us, but even more than that she is loved and treasured by the God who sees and knows her so intimately. Pray that her little heart would hold on to hope whatever that looks like for a baby girl, and that the Lord would bring us quickly together.

Praise God for LID!

when we pray, coincidences happen

It is amazing the way God works. Isn't it?

There's this great quote in a book called A Praying Life by Paul Miller (sidenote: This book is probably the most or one of the most influential books I have read as a Christian. It has hugely impacted my spiritual life, and it is so easy to read. Seriously you could read it in a couple days - though you might want to ponder over it for more than that. Check it out!) -
       In the book the author quotes Sir William Temple who said, "When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't, they don't." Isn't that true? We'll be praying for something and then it will happen and we will sometimes forget that we even prayed about it, and instead when the thing comes true, we will somehow attribute it to chance - coincidence - or we will somehow attribute it to ourselves (thinking that our good planning, or hard work, made xyz thing that we prayed for come true).
But y'all.
It's God.
It really is.

Well, God orchestrated something this year in Caleigh's 2nd grade class that I couldn't have even thought to pray for, I wouldn't have even come up with the idea. He is just that good. Here's the story of this good thing that He did (it's kind of a long story):

So (just pretend we're sitting down having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine while I tell this story)... when you begin an adoption, one of the things that you have to do is the dreaded medical checklist. Basically it's a giant giant checklist (multiple columns per page single spaced, multiple pages) of every medical condition you've never heard of (hello Dr. Google), and you have to go through and check, yes I'm willing to accept that or no, I'm not willing to accept that. Basically it was awful because when you check no, you feel like you are saying no to an actual child. I wanted to be brave when we filled out that form and I wanted to check yes on lots of things (and we did), but we had to wisely examine our family, our resources, the hospital and medical and pediatric specialists around us as we filled out that form. For example we decided to check no to osteogenesis imperfecta (brittle bone disease), because it requires you to be super fragile with those kids and super careful because their bones break super super easily. Well, as the youngest of 5 kids and with a dog and a trampoline in the back, that's just not feasible for our family. So these are the things we had to consider. Anyways, one of the things we are open to is cleft lip/cleft palate (CL/CP) - a common medical condition in China. It's definitely not a minor need, as many surgeries are required over many years, but it is manageable. I have been on quite the journey with CL/CP and I would not be surprised if our little China baby ended up with that as her medical need. Also have I said before on the blog that all adoptions from China now are some kind of medical special need? Hence the medical checklist... Anyways... So, in our conversations with our social worker she had wisely recommended that we start preparing our kids for the possible medical conditions that China baby might have so that they weren't shocked when the time came. So we started talking to them a lot in January/February about how God makes everyone differently and how no one is perfect. How some babies in the U.S. and in China are born with a "rip in their lip" which is what we are calling cleft to them. We showed them pictures of sweet China babies with cleft (and they were shocked, as was I, until I got used to it, and then loved it, and now I think a cleft smile is basically the cutest thing ever). And we talk about that, it's no big deal, it's just the way God made them, and it can be fixed up with a little surgery and then they'll have a scar. Which always prompts every kid to talk about the scars they have, especially Caleigh who talks about the scars she has inside her ears from 3 sets of tubes (very true). So this conversation was just a constant for a month or two at our house. One night at dinner we're talking about this again. And we're talking about how if China baby has CL/CP, she would just have a couple surgeries and a scar but how it's no big deal, because once again, nobody is perfect. And Caleigh says, oh yeah that's like my friend Lilly at school. So Caleigh in 2nd grade has 2 best buddies - Reeves and Lilly. I know Reeves because they were in K together and have been buddies since then, but I didn't know Lilly. But Caleigh has talked about Lilly all year, about how they play together with Reeves every day, etc. Back to dinner - I said, "Oh really? What do you mean?" And Caleigh said, "My friend Lilly at school has that, she's had like 4 surgeries, but it's not big deal, she just has a little scar." And I say, "Oh wow, that's interesting. So was she just born with a rip in her lip?" And Caleigh says, "No Mom (in her slightly exasperated way), she's Chinese! She was adopted from China." And my jaw basically drops. Shocked. One of Caleigh's best friends at school this year has been a sweet girl who was adopted from China with cleft lip/cleft palate? I could not have orchestrated or planned that if I tried. How amazing is that? God has used this little friendship to normalize adoption to her even more, to normalize cleft lip/cleft palate even more, to prepare her for this adoption in a way in her heart that I'm sure I won't know about for years to come, if ever. Praise God for that, for this family, and for this sweetest little friend of Caleigh's.

(from a recent sleepover)

Wow. Just wow. Seriously in awe of God and the amazing ways He works. When we pray, coincidences happen, and when we don't, they don't. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

~Isaiah 55:8-9

DTC!!!!!

Almost 7 months of paperwork after starting this journey, we are DTC (dossier to China)! A file of our entire life's history: background checks, employment verifications, financial statements, etc etc etc are on their way over to the People's Republic of China now. 

After it's long Fedex journey, it will arrive at the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption)- basically similar to our version of the Department of Social Services, where it will eventually be logged in to their electronic database and on that day we will be issued a log in date (LID). Once we get the log in date, we are eligible to receive a match at any time- though we expect our wait will be several months. 

Join us in our celebration of this milestone in our journey!

China-lina

In my mind, I've gone to China-lina...

Oh wait... that's not how the song goes.

But really, China is probably one of the biggest topics of conversation in our house.

Caitlin worked on this one day while I was working...

Caitlin carried this thing around with her everywhere until it was tattered and torn and as you can see in pen, she kept adding to it as she talked about China baby's journey. It is so neat to see her processing (and as she processed, she worked on the map, and she stapled to it and added to it and I eventually threw it away while she was sleeping because I'm a bad mom - but don't worry - we've made several more!). Caitlin loves to chat about Mommy, Daddy, Caleigh, and Andrew flying on an airplane to go to China to get China baby and then how she is going to be at the Lake House with Gammy and Bampa and Hudson, and how she will meet China baby at the airport, and how she will teach her everything, like how to swim and how to swing on the swing outside and how to sleep in her room. She has the sweetest little heart as she processes it all. And I know I've posted before about her sweet heart towards China baby, and I've been meaning to do a post about the big kids (and I will) - but God just works in mysterious ways, and He is working in Caitlin knitting her heart together with this baby girl, her sister, from across the ocean. I pray the same for our baby girl - that God would be working in her and preparing her heart for all that is to come - adoption is ultimately a good plan for a world broken by sin. But with it comes so much loss and my heart is heavy with that for our youngest-soon-to-be-Dyer. She has a big change ahead of her in becoming a Dyer, and though it will ultimately be good (a family!), there will be much grief in the process - much loss - the loss of everything she has ever known. And my heart hurts in that for her.

I got word today that our final documents are being picked up from the US State Department today and they'll be couriered to the Chinese Embassy on Friday (tomorrow) for final authentication. Once that is complete, our agency let us know that we should be DTC next Friday, May 27th. So exciting!

mothers day 2016

My mother's day this year was fantastic. I felt so loved. Adam did a fantastic job of celebrating me, and really it was just a great semi-regular day of being a mom. I think part of the greatness of it was that the kids are getting older and really want to participate in making it mom's day... and part of it was that my favorite thing to do, and our annual mother's day tradition is something they also love and look forward to: a Sunday late afternoon walk to Brixx for pizza outside on the patio and then ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. The weather was fantastic and we just all really enjoyed being together. It was such a great great day. 

 A stop at the park on the way home...

 It's hard to take a selfie with 6 people... (see below)

I think one of the reasons this mother's day was so sweet was that I was still riding the elation of knowing all of our paperwork is in to our agency. It feels like I'm pregnant! With a China baby! And it's so exciting. As opposed to the melancholy of the ups and downs of waiting for prior paperwork approvals when everything felt like it was moving so slowly and like it would never be here, now I can almost feel how close we are getting. It is still our hope and prayer that we would receive a referral for our China baby before Christmas. I think it's likely, but Adam will be there first to tell you that I have a thing with expectations ;) ... as in I really like them, I probably hope in them too much, I probably get too disappointed when my expectations aren't met... so I don't want to get my hopes up, or plan on a specific date. But honestly, I'm a planner, I already know I'll be disappointed if we're not matched by Christmas. But I know that "the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Prov 16:9) I know we will be matched in His timing.

But anyways we're excited and it was a great Mother's Day. And it is all from the Lord. For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. (Romans 11:36)

I'm so looking forward to the day when we're attempting 7 people selfies, and we've got a little China baby in the middle of our blond haired crew.

all of our documents...

Some exciting movement happening! After we got our I800a approval in the mail on Saturday, April 23rd, I had to go and get a notarized copy made on Monday and then we overnighted our remaining 3 documents to the NC Secretary of State to be certified. We received those three documents back with their official NC state seals on Wednesday afternoon May 4th. Woohoo!

On Thursday morning I spent some quality time with the copy machine and finished preparing all of our final documents to send to our adoption agency. I was in a time crunch and trying to get it done in not-quite-enough time and was a bit overwhelmed and stressed. (And trying not to break out in tears over my copier-woes... technology hates me!) I was trying to get to an appointment with a friend and ultimately had to text her and cancel our plans. She was so completely gracious and sent me the sweetest prayer that she was praying for our family (thanks Trish!) God continues to amaze me with the way He works in mine and the lives of my friends - praise be to the Lord!

So after my mini breakdown I snapped a pic on the way to drop off our precious compilation of documents that we've been gathering for the last 6 months. All the documents for our dossier arrived at our agency in Virginia this past Friday. Woohoo! It's out of my hands! Insert praise hands emoji.

There are still 3 documents in the package that our agency will courier over to the US State Department and the Chinese Embassy in DC. Once those documents get their final (Chinese) seals of approval - our agency will notify us that they are sending everything to China and then we will finally be dossier to China (DTC). Hallelujah, praise Jesus. These last couple documents should take about 2 weeks to make their way through the system. We.Can't.Wait.

Seriously, we're so happy! So excited to have some movement and to be one (big) step closer to our China baby.

On another note, we have been so blessed recently by some generous donations from a couple friends to our fundraising account: www.adopttogether.org/thedyerfam

We need your help to bring home our China baby!

With our big package of paperwork, also went a check for $6,730. Completely worth it, and most of the money that we've saved toward this adoption. Once we are DTC, our fundraising efforts will kick into higher gear - we have a friend of a friend very generously working on a t-shirt design now. If you're able, we would love if you would prayerfully consider supporting us in #bringinghomeourchinababy.

best email ever!

I'm sure I will say that several more times in the next month or so as we hit exciting adoption milestones, but today it really feels like it! We got great news- I inquired on the status of our I800A application and I received this email back today...

Seriously so so excited. I didn't realize how much this had been weighing on me until getting this email today and feeling a huge weight lift. I had worried that I had circled the wrong box somewhere, not included enough information about something, etc. But the immigration officer found everything to be in order and approved our application! Praise the Lord! Our China baby, who has no idea that a family across the globe already loves her, nor that we wake up randomly in the middle of the night and pray for her (seriously, twice this week), is on her way to becoming an American citizen! Insert praise hands emoji here. 

It's also pretty fitting that we're hosting supper club tomorrow night and had already planned a Chinese meal; now we really have something to celebrate. So thankful! One step closer...

ugh... no update... still waiting

Well, I haven't posted an update in a while because there is nothing to update. We are still waiting for the completion of our last step before we can send everything to China. And then we'll be matched some time after that.

It feels like we have been waiting for approval of our I800a FOREVER. In reality it's been 42 days... (but who's counting?)

Apparently, these applications used to take only 2 weeks to receive approval, but there is a big slowdown at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration office with additional employee training and movement to a new facility which has delayed approvals to being somewhere around 50-60 days. 

I'm tired of telling people we're in the same place.

I'm likening it to trying to get pregnant. This waiting period before we are DTC (dossier to China) - the HUGE date - it feels like when we were trying to conceive a baby. I think it feels like that because technically there is still 'stuff' I can do. Once you're pregnant with an actual baby, everything is pretty much out of your hands for the remainder of the pregnancy. Once we are DTC with all of our documents in China, everything is pretty much out of our hands. We will get a referral after we are DTC in the Lord's timing. He knows who our baby girl is. But this time before DTC really feels like trying to get pregnant and at this point it's been taking awhile and I'm weary of it.

I can't wait until we are DTC! I can't wait until we receive our approval of our I800a application. But I know that "the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Prov 16:9) I'm admittedly a planner. I like to know what's coming, I like order, I like timelines. In my head I had planned/hoped that we would be DTC by the first of May (about 6 months from beginning paperwork) and in reality it probably won't be too long after that. I think I can feel like a failure if I don't meet my pre-conceived standards or timeline. But the Lord establishes our steps. Things happen in His timing for His purposes. There is a purpose in this "long" wait for our I800a approval.

And who knows what the purpose is? The Lord does. Maybe our baby girl's papers are still being prepared so that she can be adopted from China and if not for the long wait, we wouldn't be matched with exactly who the Lord intends for us. But God knows.

I'm sad because at this point of longing to be paper "pregnant" - I'm missing the emotional connection that I had to our baby girl in the beginning of this process. In the beginning, after the culmination of so much hoping, I felt so connected to her story. Everything made me think of her. Every song I heard, every thing we did - I imagined what she was doing, where she was, what her circumstances might be. I was often tearful - a rarity for me! And now, I'm missing that aspect. I feel weary of waiting. I wish I could feel her growing and kicking inside of me, though I know that even though she is not growing in my physical body, she is growing in my heart - stretching me and molding my heart in ways that I wouldn't have imagined were possible.

And so we wait. We hold the course. We trust the Lord to bring us to our baby girl in His timing. 

not the same - what does it look like to love kids from hard places?

There was a great blog post a week or two ago on website that I follow called No Hands But Ours. The website is maintained by a host of adoptive parents, and is specifically focused on providing information and resources for others who are involved in the world of special needs adoption from China. The post really hit home for me and I found it really helpful and wanted to share it.

The post dealt with the differences between parenting a child who had a traumatic start to life (ie a child that comes out of an orphanage situation, foster care system, older child adoption, or other hard social situations in which there were many cycles of unmet needs) and parenting a child with a 'typical' start to life - it which they were raised in a loving home and had many 'met' cycles of need.

The premise of her blog post is that even though these kids' actions may look the same on the outside - they are coming from very different places emotionally and can't be parented the same way. Before we did any adoption training and before I had a clue what a cycle of need even was, I have to admit I was/am guilty of comparing kids who have been adopted to my kids or other kids who were raised in stable, loving environments. I really think I did it out of a place of love, saying - look, your adopted kid is doing what ____ other kid is doing, they're "normal." It was my measly, uneducated attempt at comfort I think? But in reality, we can't compare the two children. A hard beginning with many unmet cycles of need truly changes a child's brain.

What is a cycle of need anyways?

Basically a cycle of need is when a baby has a need (like they're hungry or need to be changed or they're scared), then they cry, the caregiver meets their need (feeds them or changes them or holds them if they're scared), and trust develops. This is a cycle of need and this is the cycle by which healthy attachments are formed.

On the contrary, in children from hard backgrounds, there are often many unmet cycles of need:

A baby has a need (hungry or dirty diaper or scared), so they cry, their needs are not met - i.e. they are not fed, they are not changed, they are not picked up. And trust does not develop. Instead of trust, rage develops instead. And when this rage develops there are many other downstream effects of this unmet cycle of need. Cortisol, a stress hormone, is released in the body and this has many detrimental effects to a tiny, developing body. Babies in these situations will often develop self-soothing mechanisms - head banging, self rocking, etc. They stop crying because there is no point. Often you hear of 'silent' orphanages... in high school I went on a missions trip to Romania and we spent some time in an orphanage and experienced this. It was so eerie. So many babies and kids in there and you could hear a pin drop. This is the place that kids from hard backgrounds are coming from. Their brains have been hard-wired with a distrust for authority, they've been hard-wired to believe that starvation is right around the corner, etc. Seriously this little blurb does not even do justice to or scratch the surface of all the intricacies of attachment and the importance of it, but I truly encourage you / urge you - if you have anyone in your life/in your church/ in your community that has adopted, or if you are ever around adopted kids, please read this article:

http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2016/04/05/not-the-same/

It is so important for us to come around and support those who have adopted, and to do it from a place not just of niceties, but to be able to love and speak to them in a way that will really encourage and really meet their needs.

Really though, read the article. :)

Easter

Easter - that glorious day - the celebration that Jesus did indeed rise, just as he said... conquering sin and death for us. Such a jubilant day. And a day for taking pictures...

 As I looked at these pictures of our 4 sweet kiddos - all such blessings - my heart was tinged with a sadness. I have 5 kids and one of them isn't home yet. I look at this picture and I'm filled with love and thankfulness and yet, I'm also mourning where our littlest girl is spending her Easter Sunday. This family is ready for our baby girl! I'm hoping and praying that our China baby is with us for Easter pictures next year.

Love Hudson looking to Andrew in this picture (as if he needs confirmation that whatever Daddy is doing behind me to make them smile really is funny).

 And the silly picture. Note to self: must learn how to make a "silly" face that still looks some-what cute. Yikes. 

As my heart sits in a bit of sadness lately, missing and longing for our baby girl, I am drawn to the Scriptures where my soul is always renewed ("The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul..." - Psalm 19:7). In His word I find hope ("... your word is my source of hope." - Psalm 119:114).


As I dwell on and think about our littlest baby, not yet home, I think about birds (I know, right... of all things). But I love the imagery of them in the Bible. Especially from Matthew 10:29-31 which says,

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from you Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."


And from Psalm 84:3...

"Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts..."


Our girl is of more value than many sparrows. The hairs of her head are numbered by God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth. She is valued. She is loved by Him. She is not forgotten. She is of more value than many sparrows, and yet even the sparrow finds a home, how much more does God provide a home for her. Even as she waits, we pray often that the Lord will sustain her in a supernatural way. That her heart will hold on to hope. That though her flesh and her heart may fail at times, that God would be the strength of her heart and her portion forever (Psalm 73:26).

Can't wait until our little nest on this Earth has all 5 of our little ones in it - including our sweet China baby.

fingerprints today!

We got fingerprinted today! At a little unassuming building in a not-so-great part of Charlotte, we were fingerprinted for our I-800a application. So much paperwork... so many steps... I will be so happy when all we can do is done. Even though I know that waiting will be hard, it will be so great to have it 'out of my hands.' Here's to another little step done!

fingerprint appointment

We received notice of our I800A fingerprint appointment today. Yay! We've been waiting about 2 weeks for this little piece of paper that gives us a date and time that we are to walk into the Office of Homeland Security in Charlotte for another round of fingerprinting. (We were already fingerprinted once in the State of North Carolina for our home study, but this is a national fingerprinting through the FBI database).

For the full story on our USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) process, you can check out this post.

After we get fingerprinted, we will be assigned an officer at the National Benefits Center (NBC) office of the USCIS in Missouri. This officer will process all the paperwork we sent in including our home study and the result of our fingerprints, and make sure that everything meets the requirements for adoption from a Hague country (which China is). They will then mail us the approval of the I800a which is the I-797. Can't wait until we get that!

We are going to try to walk in this week for fingerprints early, and praying that they will fingerprint us early with no issues. So excited for movement! But also know that we have another month long-ish wait for an approval after we get fingerprinted. It's hard to balance the process that feels like it takes forever and to celebrate the little steps in the process, all the while feeling so far from our baby girl and wishing I felt closer. But thankful that my ultimate trust is not in these processes, but in the One (Jesus) who

"is before all things and in him all things hold together."

(Colossians 1:17)

supporting our adoption financially

Today I'm piggy-backing off the most recent blog posts on, "Why is adoption so expensive?" See here and here. As I've already asked, we covet your prayers. I love people telling me they are praying for our girl in China, it is so encouraging. Besides prayer, we need friends and family to support us financially in our adoption and we are praying that by these avenues, the Lord will raise up $20,000 to contribute to our $40,000 adoption cost . If you are able, please consider supporting our family in this endeavor.


We are doing all of our adoption fundraising through the organization AdoptTogether.org, a non-profit that allows for tax-deductible giving.


If you're interested/able to support our adoption financially, here are the options:

• Donate online to fund our adoption at AdoptTogether by clicking on the link below:

www.adopttogether.org/thedyerfam

• Or you can send a contribution by check directly to AdoptTogether. To do this just make your check payable to AdoptTogether and put Dyer on the envelope and in the memo. Then you mail this to:

AdoptTogether (Dyer)

251 W. Central Ave #278

Springboro, OH 45066

Thank you so much for your prayers, financial support, and encouragement along the way. It honestly means more than you know.

We are so blessed to be surrounded by such a great community of friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. 

(from a recent hike to Rainbow Falls in NC)

"I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me." 

Psalm 13:6

"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever." 

Romans 11:36

why is adoption so expensive? - part 2

(Continuation from part 1 of why is adoption so expensive.)

As far as our family finances go - I, in general, manage the small day-to-day aspect of our finances and Adam handles the bigger picture aspect of them. When I started praying daily for this adoption, I opened a new savings account 'bucket' and titled it adoption (unbeknownst to him). Every time there would be a little money left over at the end of the month or anytime when there was no preschool in the summer and money was freed up, I would put money in there - little by little - a hundred here, three hundred there. I didn't think about it much, but it was just more of a little thing that I did, mostly because I thought, if when the Lord led Adam to have us initiate the adoption process, it would be cool to say, and look, here's ____ money we can use. (Sidebar - I was so naive because I thought a thousand or two would be a significant amount of our adoption costs. Insert crying laughing emoji here.) And what do you know, over time, the Lord provided and grew that money and by the time Adam said, in October of 2015, let's adopt - there was almost exactly $2,000 in that account. Almost the exact amount we needed for our first agency payment. And this was even more amazing because we just had the AC break in the van and the AC in our condo that we rent out break and both need to be replaced in the same month. So just at a time where our doubts were highest with our finances, God showed up. And I know He will continue to do so.

So, why is adoption really so expensive? What makes up our adoption costs?

 Agency fees include costs for personnel, administrative overhead, training, education, legal services and communications, Hague accreditation, working with government and agency authorities, and legal fees. Our orphanage donation is a cash donation that we make to our girl's orphanage in China - basically 'reimbursing' them for what they have paid in taking care of her for the time that they had her, including any medical care she may have received (and it helps to fund their continued service of orphans in their care) - this is a mandatory 'donation'. Travel expenses include the flights within China (from Beijing to her province to Guangzhou) for 4 of us and then 5 after we get her - we are planning to travel with our 2 oldest kids (SO excited about this). They also cover other transportation within China, hotel housing for 2 weeks, food, guides, etc. The Chinese visas will be for 4 of us (plus baby girl) and then flights to and from China will be for 4 of us on the way there, and maybe 5 on the way back, depending on baby girl's age. It's a lot, but in international adoption there are a lot of steps, a lot of red tape (for good reason), but unfortunately each step costs money. But we do not lose heart.


So what are we going to do?

1. Well, first off pray. We know that God has called us to this, that He loves our baby girl, and that He will provide the funds to make her a part of our family forever. Please consider supporting us in this adoption by prayer. Prayer for protection for our little girl. We feel strongly that our baby girl has already been born - so prayer that she will get enough food. Prayer that a nanny will take an extra interest in her and show her affection so that she can form some loving attachments (healthier for attaching to us in the long term). Prayer that the Lord will sustain her with whatever her medical needs are until we can get to her and get a more definitive treatment. Prayer that we will not lose heart as we wait. Prayer that God will provide the finances.
2. Secondly, save and fund raise. With international adoption there can be grants that you can apply for. Unfortunately for Adam and I, because he works with his dad and is listed as an owner in their family business, it makes us look like we have a bigger net worth and thus makes us ineligible for most all grants. Adam and I sat down and looked at our finances and figure that if we use all of our savings and save more this year, we will be able to probably cover about $20,000 of the adoption costs. So what about the other $20,000? That is where we are really trusting the Lord. We know that God has all the resources in the world at his disposal...

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else." (Acts 17:24-25) 

All we have is God's anyways. All our finances are His. Where we live in the United States and not in a third world country - that I didn't have to make a choice about relinquishing a baby because of extreme poverty or lack of access to medical care. Our parents that cared enough to make us go to school and do homework, that we got to go to college, that we were able to graduate, that we have jobs, that we have a house and medical insurance and food. That we haven't had some life-altering circumstance along the way - it is all God's grace. He gives all men life and breath and EVERYTHING else. Our jobs, our ability to work and earn money, it is all from Him. He has provided and He will provide.

Our fundraising will likely include a couple of different things. We will probably send a fundraising letter (like a support letter), and ask if people would be willing to give tax-deductible donations to bring home our girl, Secondly, we are planning on a t-shirt fundraiser - everyone loves t-shirts right? We are working on what that will look like now (email me if you have any good ideas for the design!). The bulk of our expenses (over half) will come at the time of travel - and so after we get our dossier to China, we will really turn up the heat with fund raising so that we can be fully funded by the time we get our referral and get ready to travel.

With all the needs in the world, I think we can look at the state of the world and be so overwhelmed with all of the brokenness and hurt, and with adoption - all of the orphans (over a million in just China), and it can cause us to be paralyzed with inaction. The needs just seem so big - what can we even do?  And in that vein, I love this quote...


"Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone." No, you/I can't adopt every orphan in the world; we can't cure the problems that lead to kids being relinquished. Not all of us are called to adopt. But often there is something we can do for one. Do you have a friend or know a family who has adopted? You can support them with love, words of encouragement, meals. You can love on their kids or offer to babysit so that they can have time away for a break (caring for kids from hard backgrounds can be seriously draining work). Do you know someone who is raising money for an adoption (hint, hint)? - God might not be calling your family to care for orphans by adopting one, but maybe He is calling you to care by partnering financially - that one might be able to come home to their forever family. We can't help everyone, but often God has put one in our lives that we can help, that we can love, that we can support. Where is He calling you to "care for orphans and widows in their distress?" (James 1:27) Where is He calling you to care for those around you by offering your support? Do for one of these friends, families, orphans what you wish you could do for everyone.

I look forward to seeing how God will work in bringing our China baby home to us. It's going to be amazing. He who calls us is faithful and He will surely do it. 

why is adoption so expensive - part 1

First off, just for the record, with adoption expenses you're paying for the process to bring a child home, you're not paying for a child. Just like if you have a child by birth you pay for the process of hospital admission, possible C-section, possible anesthesia, etc etc etc to bring that child home - clearly you didn't pay for the child. Adoption is the same way.

Secondly, not all adoption is expensive. Adoption from foster care is virtually cost free. But you speak about what you know, and I only know international adoption, so that's what I'm speaking on.

So the costs... they're shocking. For us, the cost will be about $40,000 total. Yes, you read that right.

Now you can pick your chin up off of your desk/lap/smartphone. Yes, we had the same reaction. 

It's overwhelming. But God is bigger.

If I'm honest, the cost was one of the main reasons for the holdup in our hearts in ultimately deciding to move forward with adoption. (Even though we knew this was what God was calling us to) Did we/do we trust that God can provide? Of course (theoretically) - but when you're asking me to literally put my money where my mouth is, it's harder. By far the hardest payment we've made is our initial agency fee. $2,000. We paid the $250 application fee and that was hard but we felt like it was manageable. As soon as we paid that, we got our list of everything we needed to do to start our home study process and start collecting for our dossier, and along with that, oh yeah, and please mail in a check for $2000. I don't know about you and your finances, but $2K is a lot of money to me, and to us. Before we sent in this check, I was honestly overcome with fear. Can we do this? Should we do this? Is it wise financially? What are we getting in to... this is only like 5% of our total cost? Serious freak out. Definitely the biggest freak out in this entire process. But I got up early the next morning and spent some time with the Lord and my Bible and my spirit was renewed. Whose idea was adoption in the beginning? Not a man-made idea, but initially God's idea. He predestined us for adoption as sons into His family (Eph 1:5). He created the idea of adoption and it is God who "sets the lonely in families" (Ps 68:6). Adoption is His idea, and He is the One who forms families. He who calls us is faithful and He will SURELY do it (1 Th 5:24). We trust that He will provide. Once we stepped out in faith and wrote that first check, none of the other payments/costs/expenses have seemed hard at all. But it was that initial step. Like the following except from the book of Matthew 14:22-33 - when I had my eyes fixed on my circumstances I was afraid and I began to sink and doubt.

22Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat by this time was a long way^b from the land,^cbeaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

28And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29He said,“Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind,^d he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Jesus commands us to do big things. He calls us to do things that don't feel comfortable, things that seem unusual. In the example above, He called Peter to walk on the water - something that was big, something that was uncomfortable and unusual, something bigger than what Peter could do on his own. But, fixing his eyes on Jesus, Peter was enabled to do the extraordinary. As we obey, as we step out of the comfortable boat in faith, Jesus meets us. He provides. "He who calls you is faithful, He will SURELY do it" (1 Th 5:24).  And so we obey, we follow; so Jesus is calling us to do a big thing. He is calling us to something that doesn't always feel comfortable - and definitely doesn't feel comfortable in terms of finances. God is calling us to something unusual in the world's eyes. And so we press on. God is calling us to do something bigger than we are able to do on our own strength (or our own finances). So we fix our eyes on Jesus. We fix our eyes above the waves (love this song!).

Oceans - by Hillsong. It's on my adoption playlist...

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Where is God calling you to step out in faith? To step out of your comfortable life? To obey Him and follow Him in a way that feels hard and uncomfortable?

Check back tomorrow for part 2 on adoption costs. More about the $2K initial agency payment and a breakdown of what the total cost of adoption goes towards. More tomorrow also about our adoption fundraising page. It's kind-of like a gofundme but for adoption - all donations are tax-deductible and we liked it also because there's an extra level of accountability with it. For any money donated, we have to send in documentation of the adoption expenses, so we can't go out and buy a new car or get a giant Starbucks gift card with any money donated. But, like I said, more on that tomorrow. Here's the link for now: https://www.adopttogether.org/thedyerfam

Even as I just typed the above paragraph, part of me wants to cringe in even putting the website out there - but I'm letting go of my pride, fixing my eyes on Jesus and what he's calling us to do, choosing to believe that life is not found in the accumulation of possessions or the stability of amassed wealth. He who calls me is faithful, He will surely do it. 

hurry up and wait - USCIS

Adoption seems to be a lot of hurry up and wait. So what are we waiting for now?

Right now we're are waiting for our fingerprinting appointment from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) office. The USCIS is a part of Homeland Security - a branch of the US government that approves adoptions and child immigration status. This process for us included filling out application I-800A "Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country," and mailing it in along with our finalized, notarized home study, a check, and proof of U.S. citizenship... maybe about 32 pages in all. It is essentially used to determine that Adam and I and our family are suitable to adopt a child from a Hague Adoption Convention country. Confused yet?

The Hague is an international agreement made in 1993 (in The Hague, Netherlands) to help safeguard intercountry adoptions and to establish international standards of practice for adoptions between these countries. In order to adopt from a convention country (a country that signed this agreement) - such as China - families must follow Hague guidelines and use a Hague accredited home study case worker and a Hague accredited adoption agency. This basically acts as a safeguard to make sure that adoptions are in the best interest of the child involved, and to protect against abduction, sale of, or trafficking of children. Not all countries are part of the Hague agreement but China is and thus there are just certain i's we have to dot and t's we have to cross to make sure everything is perfectly in order.

After our application packet, mailed via UPS on 3/3/16, arrives at the offices of the USCIS in the Department of Homeland Security (somewhere in Missouri) - by way of a lockbox in Texas (our application arrived at the lockbox on 3/7/16), we will be assigned and sent a fingerprinting date. We've already been fingerprinted once in the state of North Carolina for our criminal background checks, and now we will need to be fingerprinted at the Charlotte office of the Department of Homeland Security. These fingerprints will be run through a national system - the FBI database. This is what we're waiting for now - the appointment date and time that we will be assigned to walk into the Department of Homeland Security in Charlotte. In recent months the wait time for a fingerprinting date has been about 2 weeks and then 2 weeks for an officer to review your case and send you an approval. However, currently there is a big slowdown at the U.S. Customs and Immigration Services offices and wait times are closer to 60 days total (legally they have 90 days to complete). This is unfortunate and we are praying the process is quicker than we expect. We are also praying that we don't get an RFE - a request for evidence - meaning that the officer assigned to your case wants more documentation before proceeding with the approval. After our officer at the USCIS determines that we are good candidates for adoption from China, we will receive something called a I-797 approval in the mail. This little piece of paper will be the last thing we need before we can send our dossier to China!

We've done the hurry up, now we're doing the wait... In the midst of waiting, we fix our eyes not on our circumstances so that our mood changes like the rise and fall of waves, but instead we fix our eyes on Jesus. We stay our mind on the Lord because we trust in Him and we have this promise from Him when we do that -

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. 

~Isaiah 26:3-4

Stay my mind on you Lord Jesus as I wait for Your will to be done. 

jie jie (older sister)

For our home study we had to describe the strengths and weaknesses of each of our children. For our older kids this was challenging and fun to think though the unique ways that God has gifted them and areas in which they need to grow. For our younger two (ages 4 and 2) it was a lot harder to think through (hmmm... weaknesses: impatience, easy to anger... um, isn't this every toddler/preschooler, and me when I'm hungry hangry). What was neat to see was that one big strength really stood out when we thought about our now 4 year old, "Lu-lu" as we often call her by nickname. She is now the 3rd out of 4, and she is soon to be the middlest of the middles (3rd out of 5).

Despite being in the middle I love how the Lord gave her such a big personality. In our home study we stated that she indeed has a big personality - she loves life, she feels every emotion to the fullest (when she is happy you absolutely know it with her squeals of joy and when she is sad, boy, do you know that too). She is so sweet and adorable and fun. Obviously God knew she was going to be a middle child, the middlest of all, and (as He knit her together in my womb) He gave her a big personality that wouldn't get lost in the shuffle, but instead would shine bright. What I love about her, is that God has given her a big love for others, and especially for her siblings.

How does this relate to our adoption? Caitlin is already jie jie to our 4th, but she is going to get to be jie jie (older sister) again to our China baby. God has given her a fierce love for our baby girl that honestly brings me to tears many times (if you know me,  you know that's saying a lot). As we pray for our baby girl each night at dinner - Caitlin's prayers often go something like this...

(insert tears, insert smiling, imagine Lindsay being pronounced as winzey, know that Caitlin has never touched China food in her life, much less meat of any kind that's not CFA because she's the pickiest eater in the universe - so you know it must be a deep love if it compelled her to say she'd eat China food every day)

Ever since we told the kids we were adopting, they were all super excited and the big kids have had lots of hard and good and heart-wrenching questions, but Caitlin has just loved her. She has told everyone about her. She told her preschool teachers, she tells her friends, she tells people at Target. She loves this baby girl. She marvels at the thought of her beautiful brown skin and her black silky hair and she asked me if her lips would be brown too... :)

God has given her a fierce love that makes my heart sing to see it. If you tell Caitlin that our China baby isn't only her China baby, she will burst into tears. I love that about her. It teaches me more about how God loves me. We don't even know who our China baby is yet, but we love her, and God knows her and loves her more, much more. He takes great delight in her, He rejoices over her with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). And just like there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, so there is nothing she, our baby girl, needs to do to earn our love or make herself more lovely in our sight. We love her because she is beautiful, created by God in his image with purpose and intention and without mistake. She is treasured and she is wanted and while it cuts me deep to the heart that I can't carry her in my belly and feel her kick in my womb, I'm thankful for the way that God is growing her in my heart. A love for her. A fierce love. 

I am thankful for what even my 4 year old can teach me about love. She is going to be such a great jie jie. 

why adopt internationally when there are kids in America who need families?

Why do missions in other countries when there are those in America who haven't heard the Gospel yet? 

That's the comparison I make when this question comes up. Thankfully there are many (though many are still needed) who adopt kids from the U.S. - both through domestic infant or private adoptions and also out of the foster system. We have dear friends who have done both. For us, adopting internationally and specifically from China was a matter of calling. In missions, we aren't called to just go to the country in which we live, but Acts 1:8 tells us, "you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." In missions we are called to go to the ends of the earth to tell of the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In the same way, when God calls us to look after orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27), he doesn't put any qualifiers on it - he doesn't tell us to only go to the orphans in the area/country in which we live. Just as there are those who are sent out as missionaries to plant churches in America and to lead RUF to reach the lost on college campuses, so there are those who are called to adopt and foster the needy and orphaned in America. Just as there are those who are sent out to other countries to preach the word of God - to Prague, to India, to the Middle East, to Africa, so there are those who are called to adopt those vulnerable and orphaned children in the world beyond America. What's sad is that international adoptions by U.S. citizens has been declining. In 2004, there were an estimated 23,000 international adoptions by U.S. citizens. Fast forward to fiscal year 2014, and there were only 6,441 children adopted internationally (data from the US State Department). There's an interesting CNN article here on the reasons for the decline in international adoptions. The decline is not due to a decreasing number of orphans worldwide (I wish), but instead due to rising regulations (some with good intentions - for child protection, but often with not enough workers in place to meet the rising demands of the regulations) and political forces in sending countries. Ultimately, we feel that God has called us to China, we feel that He has a girl for us there. We are all made uniquely and given unique gifts, abilities, and callings, for which I am so glad - because what a boring place the world would be if we humans were all the same. Adam and I are so thankful to be unified in this calling. Though there are many daunting barriers ahead (especially the cost, estimated close to ~$40K, more on that later), we know that God is able and he is faithful. 

He is ABLE

So thankful for the reminder today from dear friends that are already lifting up our China baby in prayer...

Today, even as I heard that our I-800a application was received and signed for, and as we wait for the next step in what seems like a thousand steps (the receiving of our FBI fingerprinting appointment at the Homeland Security office in Charlotte), I am encouraged by friends and by our faithful God. 

I know that He is able...

Do I believe that He is able to do this (this thing that seems insurmountable at times)? To preserve us in the waiting? To bring us to our daughter? Yes, Lord. I believe. Help my unbelief. You are able.