Rock of Ages (When the day seems long)

I have been absolutely clinging to this song the past several days.  I love so many of the words in it.  Listen to it if you haven't heard it.

Rock of Ages, when the day seems long
From this labor and this heartache I have come
The skies will wear out, but you remain the same
Rock of Ages, I praise your name

Rock of Ages, you have brought me near [through these circumstances]
You have poured out your life-blood, your love, your tears
To make this stone heart come alive again
Rock of Ages, forgive my sin [of pride, of independence, of self-sufficiency, of not loving others well]

chorus: Rock of Ages, Rock of Ages
Bind your children until the kingdom comes
Rock of Ages, Your will be done

Rock of Ages, when in want or rest
My desperate need for such a Savior I confess [Lord, I cannot do this on my own]
Pull these idols out of my heart embrace. [of pride as I idolize myself and am so self-serving]
Rock of Ages I need your grace.

Rock of Ages, broken scorned for me.
Who am I that you would die to set me free?
To give me glory, you took the death and pain
Rock of Ages, my Offering

repeat chorus

Rock of Ages, "It is done!" you cried
The curtain's torn and I see justice satisfied
Now write your mercy, on my heart and hands
Rock of Ages, in faith I stand

Rock of Ages, my great hope secure.
Your promise holds just like an anchor to my soul [Heb 6:19]
Bind your children with cords of love and grace.
Rock of Ages, we give you praise.

repeat chorus

potty training: take 2

I started potty-training this sweet boy again (a second try) today.  In the midst of the chaos and uncertainty of what our life will look like in the near future it has given me something concrete to focus on - something to do with my time.  We cleared our calendars to go to Ohio today with Adam's family with plans to come back on Monday, but with my dad in the hospital until Saturday at least and my mom's recent diagnosis it just felt like too much to do.  I wouldn't be able to be fully there.

I am so glad to be done with day 1 of potty training.  Potty training really stresses me out.  I decided I would go ahead and train him because #1 even though for a boy he is young to train I just really feel like he is ready and I know that he can do it, #2 we have an incredibly busy fall and this is truly the only time I will be at home with no plans and nothing at all to do for at least 3 days, then church on Sunday, and then a couple of days into next week, and #3 I would love to be out of diapers for a little bit before sweet new baby Dyer makes an arrival in January.

We decided to take a naked approach for the first day or two and then on Saturday we will try undies.  We started out the day with Andrew saying, "Mommy I don't want to pee pee on the potty" when he actually did need to go but he would hold it until he sat on the potty and went.  He had one accident in the morning where he went on the floor and then came and told me he needed to "pee pee potty." Later on he showed me where he went on the carpet.  He really did great though and a little later in the morning he started to have a little bit of an accident on the hardwoods and then he stopped himself and said, "Mommy I pee pee potty again" so he sat on the potty and finished.  The morning went well, especially after 2 #2 success (not including the 1 #2 accident on the floor).  He was in a much better mood after that was over.  We had planned not to leave the house at all but after his nap we decided to go see a friend who was briefly in town - we walked up to get frozen yogurt near our house.  I put Andrew in undies and shorts for the first time and packed a change of clothes.  At the yogurt place (despite the distraction of several little friends and a big bowl of ice cream) I asked him 3 times if he needed to go pee pee on the potty.  Twice he said yes and once he actually went.  Then right before he left he walked over to me (from playing!) and said, "I go pee pee potty."  We went to the potty and he went again.  I was so thrilled - I felt like that was success.  My distractable son actually left playing to tell me he needed to potty.  Hopefully he really gets it but only time will tell...

But for now - we are so proud of sweet Andrew!

8.23.11 Tuesday

Tuesday was a crazy day.  My mom called me around 9 and told me she had breast cancer.  She had had a biopsy on Friday and we were waiting for the results.  They caught it very early on a routine mammogram but we won't know anything else about it until she meets with the oncologist in the next week or two.  She has ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS).  At the very least she is facing surgery and radiation.  Today (Wednesday) is one of my best friend's birthdays and her bridal portrait for her wedding which is one month from today and in which I am honored to stand beside her as her matron of honor.  Joy and pain.  Today (Wednesday) my dad is having a knee replacement that has been scheduled for quite some time - the day after having found out that his wife has cancer.  The knee replacement will require lots of physical therapy and intense rehabilitation - and we have no idea what to expect.  A month from today (Wednesday) we need to be moving out of our condo as we have found someone to rent it for the next 2 years - a huge praise.  But we have nowhere to go - no idea yet where we will live.  It all seems so uncertain.  

On Tuesday after I got off the phone with my mom I cried.  I cry maybe a couple of times a year or less. It is overwhelming to think about this path that I (my family) am about to walk down.  As I drove to meet some dear friends at the pool I cried some more as I felt the flutters of this beautiful new life in my womb and mourned the sadness of these bodies of sin and death in which we live.  A tension.  New life to rejoice over and the groaning of this world to mourn.

My circumstances feel overwhelming.  Tuesday afternoon after I had lunch with my parents for the last time before my dad's surgery I found out that Andrew had Hand, Foot, and Mouth virus - so that was why he has been absolutely miserably grouchy.  And I had been thinking that the blisters on his feet were the result of ill fitting shoes.  And then I thought that Hand, Foot and Mouth virus is the one that is really bad to get if you are pregnant - and after several phone calls to several doctors - and much prayer for protection of this life that God is knitting together - I found out that Fifths Disease is the one to be feared in pregnancy and I exhaled. And praised the Lord.  And exhaled again...

Looking at my circumstances from an outside view it doesn't feel doable.  How am I doing this?  How did I go to work and work a normal day today?  How did I go straight from work, to look at a potential house to rent (that is no longer a potential house to rent), to see my dad in the hospital, to meet my inlaws and kids for dinner, then home for 10 minutes before heading out the pray with a friend... it feels like too much.  Loving this quote from Piper, "God doesn't give strength today for tomorrow's trouble.  That's what it means to live by faith in future grace.  It will come."

And I have been clinging to Hebrews 12:1-2.  Praying that I would fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.  That I would focus on the One who is perfecting my faith through trials and growing in me perseverence (James 1:2).  And I have been praying continually, asking for strength to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Th. 5:17-18).  From Hebrews 12:1 I have also been praying that I would run the race marked out for me with perseverance... that I would not compare my race with the race of another.  That I would know that the Lord is good in everything he does.  I am thankful that I don't feel defeated in the midst of this and I am praising the Lord for a good outcome for my dad's surgery.  I am thankful for the baby in my womb that God is growing more and more each day and whose gender we will get to find out next week!  I am thankful that Andrew is feeling better and sleeping better already and I am SO thankful to friends who have loved me well, supported me, brought me meals, prayed for me, and listened to me talk.  Much to be thankful for and much to process.  And I am thankful that my God is full of compassion and mercy (James 5:11).  This is where I am at.

So if you are reading this pray for me!  I need it.