Tuesday was a crazy day. My mom called me around 9 and told me she had breast cancer. She had had a biopsy on Friday and we were waiting for the results. They caught it very early on a routine mammogram but we won't know anything else about it until she meets with the oncologist in the next week or two. She has ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). At the very least she is facing surgery and radiation. Today (Wednesday) is one of my best friend's birthdays and her bridal portrait for her wedding which is one month from today and in which I am honored to stand beside her as her matron of honor. Joy and pain. Today (Wednesday) my dad is having a knee replacement that has been scheduled for quite some time - the day after having found out that his wife has cancer. The knee replacement will require lots of physical therapy and intense rehabilitation - and we have no idea what to expect. A month from today (Wednesday) we need to be moving out of our condo as we have found someone to rent it for the next 2 years - a huge praise. But we have nowhere to go - no idea yet where we will live. It all seems so uncertain.
My circumstances feel overwhelming. Tuesday afternoon after I had lunch with my parents for the last time before my dad's surgery I found out that Andrew had Hand, Foot, and Mouth virus - so that was why he has been absolutely miserably grouchy. And I had been thinking that the blisters on his feet were the result of ill fitting shoes. And then I thought that Hand, Foot and Mouth virus is the one that is really bad to get if you are pregnant - and after several phone calls to several doctors - and much prayer for protection of this life that God is knitting together - I found out that Fifths Disease is the one to be feared in pregnancy and I exhaled. And praised the Lord. And exhaled again...
Looking at my circumstances from an outside view it doesn't feel doable. How am I doing this? How did I go to work and work a normal day today? How did I go straight from work, to look at a potential house to rent (that is no longer a potential house to rent), to see my dad in the hospital, to meet my inlaws and kids for dinner, then home for 10 minutes before heading out the pray with a friend... it feels like too much. Loving this quote from Piper, "God doesn't give strength today for tomorrow's trouble. That's what it means to live by faith in future grace. It will come."
And I have been clinging to Hebrews 12:1-2. Praying that I would fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. That I would focus on the One who is perfecting my faith through trials and growing in me perseverence (James 1:2). And I have been praying continually, asking for strength to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Th. 5:17-18). From Hebrews 12:1 I have also been praying that I would run the race marked out for me with perseverance... that I would not compare my race with the race of another. That I would know that the Lord is good in everything he does. I am thankful that I don't feel defeated in the midst of this and I am praising the Lord for a good outcome for my dad's surgery. I am thankful for the baby in my womb that God is growing more and more each day and whose gender we will get to find out next week! I am thankful that Andrew is feeling better and sleeping better already and I am SO thankful to friends who have loved me well, supported me, brought me meals, prayed for me, and listened to me talk. Much to be thankful for and much to process. And I am thankful that my God is full of compassion and mercy (James 5:11). This is where I am at.
So if you are reading this pray for me! I need it.
2 comments:
Just read this. Will be praying for you friend!
praying for you and your family right now!
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