ugh... no update... still waiting

Well, I haven't posted an update in a while because there is nothing to update. We are still waiting for the completion of our last step before we can send everything to China. And then we'll be matched some time after that.

It feels like we have been waiting for approval of our I800a FOREVER. In reality it's been 42 days... (but who's counting?)

Apparently, these applications used to take only 2 weeks to receive approval, but there is a big slowdown at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration office with additional employee training and movement to a new facility which has delayed approvals to being somewhere around 50-60 days. 

I'm tired of telling people we're in the same place.

I'm likening it to trying to get pregnant. This waiting period before we are DTC (dossier to China) - the HUGE date - it feels like when we were trying to conceive a baby. I think it feels like that because technically there is still 'stuff' I can do. Once you're pregnant with an actual baby, everything is pretty much out of your hands for the remainder of the pregnancy. Once we are DTC with all of our documents in China, everything is pretty much out of our hands. We will get a referral after we are DTC in the Lord's timing. He knows who our baby girl is. But this time before DTC really feels like trying to get pregnant and at this point it's been taking awhile and I'm weary of it.

I can't wait until we are DTC! I can't wait until we receive our approval of our I800a application. But I know that "the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Prov 16:9) I'm admittedly a planner. I like to know what's coming, I like order, I like timelines. In my head I had planned/hoped that we would be DTC by the first of May (about 6 months from beginning paperwork) and in reality it probably won't be too long after that. I think I can feel like a failure if I don't meet my pre-conceived standards or timeline. But the Lord establishes our steps. Things happen in His timing for His purposes. There is a purpose in this "long" wait for our I800a approval.

And who knows what the purpose is? The Lord does. Maybe our baby girl's papers are still being prepared so that she can be adopted from China and if not for the long wait, we wouldn't be matched with exactly who the Lord intends for us. But God knows.

I'm sad because at this point of longing to be paper "pregnant" - I'm missing the emotional connection that I had to our baby girl in the beginning of this process. In the beginning, after the culmination of so much hoping, I felt so connected to her story. Everything made me think of her. Every song I heard, every thing we did - I imagined what she was doing, where she was, what her circumstances might be. I was often tearful - a rarity for me! And now, I'm missing that aspect. I feel weary of waiting. I wish I could feel her growing and kicking inside of me, though I know that even though she is not growing in my physical body, she is growing in my heart - stretching me and molding my heart in ways that I wouldn't have imagined were possible.

And so we wait. We hold the course. We trust the Lord to bring us to our baby girl in His timing.