why is adoption so expensive? - part 2

(Continuation from part 1 of why is adoption so expensive.)

As far as our family finances go - I, in general, manage the small day-to-day aspect of our finances and Adam handles the bigger picture aspect of them. When I started praying daily for this adoption, I opened a new savings account 'bucket' and titled it adoption (unbeknownst to him). Every time there would be a little money left over at the end of the month or anytime when there was no preschool in the summer and money was freed up, I would put money in there - little by little - a hundred here, three hundred there. I didn't think about it much, but it was just more of a little thing that I did, mostly because I thought, if when the Lord led Adam to have us initiate the adoption process, it would be cool to say, and look, here's ____ money we can use. (Sidebar - I was so naive because I thought a thousand or two would be a significant amount of our adoption costs. Insert crying laughing emoji here.) And what do you know, over time, the Lord provided and grew that money and by the time Adam said, in October of 2015, let's adopt - there was almost exactly $2,000 in that account. Almost the exact amount we needed for our first agency payment. And this was even more amazing because we just had the AC break in the van and the AC in our condo that we rent out break and both need to be replaced in the same month. So just at a time where our doubts were highest with our finances, God showed up. And I know He will continue to do so.

So, why is adoption really so expensive? What makes up our adoption costs?

 Agency fees include costs for personnel, administrative overhead, training, education, legal services and communications, Hague accreditation, working with government and agency authorities, and legal fees. Our orphanage donation is a cash donation that we make to our girl's orphanage in China - basically 'reimbursing' them for what they have paid in taking care of her for the time that they had her, including any medical care she may have received (and it helps to fund their continued service of orphans in their care) - this is a mandatory 'donation'. Travel expenses include the flights within China (from Beijing to her province to Guangzhou) for 4 of us and then 5 after we get her - we are planning to travel with our 2 oldest kids (SO excited about this). They also cover other transportation within China, hotel housing for 2 weeks, food, guides, etc. The Chinese visas will be for 4 of us (plus baby girl) and then flights to and from China will be for 4 of us on the way there, and maybe 5 on the way back, depending on baby girl's age. It's a lot, but in international adoption there are a lot of steps, a lot of red tape (for good reason), but unfortunately each step costs money. But we do not lose heart.


So what are we going to do?

1. Well, first off pray. We know that God has called us to this, that He loves our baby girl, and that He will provide the funds to make her a part of our family forever. Please consider supporting us in this adoption by prayer. Prayer for protection for our little girl. We feel strongly that our baby girl has already been born - so prayer that she will get enough food. Prayer that a nanny will take an extra interest in her and show her affection so that she can form some loving attachments (healthier for attaching to us in the long term). Prayer that the Lord will sustain her with whatever her medical needs are until we can get to her and get a more definitive treatment. Prayer that we will not lose heart as we wait. Prayer that God will provide the finances.
2. Secondly, save and fund raise. With international adoption there can be grants that you can apply for. Unfortunately for Adam and I, because he works with his dad and is listed as an owner in their family business, it makes us look like we have a bigger net worth and thus makes us ineligible for most all grants. Adam and I sat down and looked at our finances and figure that if we use all of our savings and save more this year, we will be able to probably cover about $20,000 of the adoption costs. So what about the other $20,000? That is where we are really trusting the Lord. We know that God has all the resources in the world at his disposal...

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else." (Acts 17:24-25) 

All we have is God's anyways. All our finances are His. Where we live in the United States and not in a third world country - that I didn't have to make a choice about relinquishing a baby because of extreme poverty or lack of access to medical care. Our parents that cared enough to make us go to school and do homework, that we got to go to college, that we were able to graduate, that we have jobs, that we have a house and medical insurance and food. That we haven't had some life-altering circumstance along the way - it is all God's grace. He gives all men life and breath and EVERYTHING else. Our jobs, our ability to work and earn money, it is all from Him. He has provided and He will provide.

Our fundraising will likely include a couple of different things. We will probably send a fundraising letter (like a support letter), and ask if people would be willing to give tax-deductible donations to bring home our girl, Secondly, we are planning on a t-shirt fundraiser - everyone loves t-shirts right? We are working on what that will look like now (email me if you have any good ideas for the design!). The bulk of our expenses (over half) will come at the time of travel - and so after we get our dossier to China, we will really turn up the heat with fund raising so that we can be fully funded by the time we get our referral and get ready to travel.

With all the needs in the world, I think we can look at the state of the world and be so overwhelmed with all of the brokenness and hurt, and with adoption - all of the orphans (over a million in just China), and it can cause us to be paralyzed with inaction. The needs just seem so big - what can we even do?  And in that vein, I love this quote...


"Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone." No, you/I can't adopt every orphan in the world; we can't cure the problems that lead to kids being relinquished. Not all of us are called to adopt. But often there is something we can do for one. Do you have a friend or know a family who has adopted? You can support them with love, words of encouragement, meals. You can love on their kids or offer to babysit so that they can have time away for a break (caring for kids from hard backgrounds can be seriously draining work). Do you know someone who is raising money for an adoption (hint, hint)? - God might not be calling your family to care for orphans by adopting one, but maybe He is calling you to care by partnering financially - that one might be able to come home to their forever family. We can't help everyone, but often God has put one in our lives that we can help, that we can love, that we can support. Where is He calling you to "care for orphans and widows in their distress?" (James 1:27) Where is He calling you to care for those around you by offering your support? Do for one of these friends, families, orphans what you wish you could do for everyone.

I look forward to seeing how God will work in bringing our China baby home to us. It's going to be amazing. He who calls us is faithful and He will surely do it. 

why is adoption so expensive - part 1

First off, just for the record, with adoption expenses you're paying for the process to bring a child home, you're not paying for a child. Just like if you have a child by birth you pay for the process of hospital admission, possible C-section, possible anesthesia, etc etc etc to bring that child home - clearly you didn't pay for the child. Adoption is the same way.

Secondly, not all adoption is expensive. Adoption from foster care is virtually cost free. But you speak about what you know, and I only know international adoption, so that's what I'm speaking on.

So the costs... they're shocking. For us, the cost will be about $40,000 total. Yes, you read that right.

Now you can pick your chin up off of your desk/lap/smartphone. Yes, we had the same reaction. 

It's overwhelming. But God is bigger.

If I'm honest, the cost was one of the main reasons for the holdup in our hearts in ultimately deciding to move forward with adoption. (Even though we knew this was what God was calling us to) Did we/do we trust that God can provide? Of course (theoretically) - but when you're asking me to literally put my money where my mouth is, it's harder. By far the hardest payment we've made is our initial agency fee. $2,000. We paid the $250 application fee and that was hard but we felt like it was manageable. As soon as we paid that, we got our list of everything we needed to do to start our home study process and start collecting for our dossier, and along with that, oh yeah, and please mail in a check for $2000. I don't know about you and your finances, but $2K is a lot of money to me, and to us. Before we sent in this check, I was honestly overcome with fear. Can we do this? Should we do this? Is it wise financially? What are we getting in to... this is only like 5% of our total cost? Serious freak out. Definitely the biggest freak out in this entire process. But I got up early the next morning and spent some time with the Lord and my Bible and my spirit was renewed. Whose idea was adoption in the beginning? Not a man-made idea, but initially God's idea. He predestined us for adoption as sons into His family (Eph 1:5). He created the idea of adoption and it is God who "sets the lonely in families" (Ps 68:6). Adoption is His idea, and He is the One who forms families. He who calls us is faithful and He will SURELY do it (1 Th 5:24). We trust that He will provide. Once we stepped out in faith and wrote that first check, none of the other payments/costs/expenses have seemed hard at all. But it was that initial step. Like the following except from the book of Matthew 14:22-33 - when I had my eyes fixed on my circumstances I was afraid and I began to sink and doubt.

22Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat by this time was a long way^b from the land,^cbeaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

28And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29He said,“Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind,^d he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Jesus commands us to do big things. He calls us to do things that don't feel comfortable, things that seem unusual. In the example above, He called Peter to walk on the water - something that was big, something that was uncomfortable and unusual, something bigger than what Peter could do on his own. But, fixing his eyes on Jesus, Peter was enabled to do the extraordinary. As we obey, as we step out of the comfortable boat in faith, Jesus meets us. He provides. "He who calls you is faithful, He will SURELY do it" (1 Th 5:24).  And so we obey, we follow; so Jesus is calling us to do a big thing. He is calling us to something that doesn't always feel comfortable - and definitely doesn't feel comfortable in terms of finances. God is calling us to something unusual in the world's eyes. And so we press on. God is calling us to do something bigger than we are able to do on our own strength (or our own finances). So we fix our eyes on Jesus. We fix our eyes above the waves (love this song!).

Oceans - by Hillsong. It's on my adoption playlist...

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Where is God calling you to step out in faith? To step out of your comfortable life? To obey Him and follow Him in a way that feels hard and uncomfortable?

Check back tomorrow for part 2 on adoption costs. More about the $2K initial agency payment and a breakdown of what the total cost of adoption goes towards. More tomorrow also about our adoption fundraising page. It's kind-of like a gofundme but for adoption - all donations are tax-deductible and we liked it also because there's an extra level of accountability with it. For any money donated, we have to send in documentation of the adoption expenses, so we can't go out and buy a new car or get a giant Starbucks gift card with any money donated. But, like I said, more on that tomorrow. Here's the link for now: https://www.adopttogether.org/thedyerfam

Even as I just typed the above paragraph, part of me wants to cringe in even putting the website out there - but I'm letting go of my pride, fixing my eyes on Jesus and what he's calling us to do, choosing to believe that life is not found in the accumulation of possessions or the stability of amassed wealth. He who calls me is faithful, He will surely do it. 

hurry up and wait - USCIS

Adoption seems to be a lot of hurry up and wait. So what are we waiting for now?

Right now we're are waiting for our fingerprinting appointment from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) office. The USCIS is a part of Homeland Security - a branch of the US government that approves adoptions and child immigration status. This process for us included filling out application I-800A "Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country," and mailing it in along with our finalized, notarized home study, a check, and proof of U.S. citizenship... maybe about 32 pages in all. It is essentially used to determine that Adam and I and our family are suitable to adopt a child from a Hague Adoption Convention country. Confused yet?

The Hague is an international agreement made in 1993 (in The Hague, Netherlands) to help safeguard intercountry adoptions and to establish international standards of practice for adoptions between these countries. In order to adopt from a convention country (a country that signed this agreement) - such as China - families must follow Hague guidelines and use a Hague accredited home study case worker and a Hague accredited adoption agency. This basically acts as a safeguard to make sure that adoptions are in the best interest of the child involved, and to protect against abduction, sale of, or trafficking of children. Not all countries are part of the Hague agreement but China is and thus there are just certain i's we have to dot and t's we have to cross to make sure everything is perfectly in order.

After our application packet, mailed via UPS on 3/3/16, arrives at the offices of the USCIS in the Department of Homeland Security (somewhere in Missouri) - by way of a lockbox in Texas (our application arrived at the lockbox on 3/7/16), we will be assigned and sent a fingerprinting date. We've already been fingerprinted once in the state of North Carolina for our criminal background checks, and now we will need to be fingerprinted at the Charlotte office of the Department of Homeland Security. These fingerprints will be run through a national system - the FBI database. This is what we're waiting for now - the appointment date and time that we will be assigned to walk into the Department of Homeland Security in Charlotte. In recent months the wait time for a fingerprinting date has been about 2 weeks and then 2 weeks for an officer to review your case and send you an approval. However, currently there is a big slowdown at the U.S. Customs and Immigration Services offices and wait times are closer to 60 days total (legally they have 90 days to complete). This is unfortunate and we are praying the process is quicker than we expect. We are also praying that we don't get an RFE - a request for evidence - meaning that the officer assigned to your case wants more documentation before proceeding with the approval. After our officer at the USCIS determines that we are good candidates for adoption from China, we will receive something called a I-797 approval in the mail. This little piece of paper will be the last thing we need before we can send our dossier to China!

We've done the hurry up, now we're doing the wait... In the midst of waiting, we fix our eyes not on our circumstances so that our mood changes like the rise and fall of waves, but instead we fix our eyes on Jesus. We stay our mind on the Lord because we trust in Him and we have this promise from Him when we do that -

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. 

~Isaiah 26:3-4

Stay my mind on you Lord Jesus as I wait for Your will to be done. 

jie jie (older sister)

For our home study we had to describe the strengths and weaknesses of each of our children. For our older kids this was challenging and fun to think though the unique ways that God has gifted them and areas in which they need to grow. For our younger two (ages 4 and 2) it was a lot harder to think through (hmmm... weaknesses: impatience, easy to anger... um, isn't this every toddler/preschooler, and me when I'm hungry hangry). What was neat to see was that one big strength really stood out when we thought about our now 4 year old, "Lu-lu" as we often call her by nickname. She is now the 3rd out of 4, and she is soon to be the middlest of the middles (3rd out of 5).

Despite being in the middle I love how the Lord gave her such a big personality. In our home study we stated that she indeed has a big personality - she loves life, she feels every emotion to the fullest (when she is happy you absolutely know it with her squeals of joy and when she is sad, boy, do you know that too). She is so sweet and adorable and fun. Obviously God knew she was going to be a middle child, the middlest of all, and (as He knit her together in my womb) He gave her a big personality that wouldn't get lost in the shuffle, but instead would shine bright. What I love about her, is that God has given her a big love for others, and especially for her siblings.

How does this relate to our adoption? Caitlin is already jie jie to our 4th, but she is going to get to be jie jie (older sister) again to our China baby. God has given her a fierce love for our baby girl that honestly brings me to tears many times (if you know me,  you know that's saying a lot). As we pray for our baby girl each night at dinner - Caitlin's prayers often go something like this...

(insert tears, insert smiling, imagine Lindsay being pronounced as winzey, know that Caitlin has never touched China food in her life, much less meat of any kind that's not CFA because she's the pickiest eater in the universe - so you know it must be a deep love if it compelled her to say she'd eat China food every day)

Ever since we told the kids we were adopting, they were all super excited and the big kids have had lots of hard and good and heart-wrenching questions, but Caitlin has just loved her. She has told everyone about her. She told her preschool teachers, she tells her friends, she tells people at Target. She loves this baby girl. She marvels at the thought of her beautiful brown skin and her black silky hair and she asked me if her lips would be brown too... :)

God has given her a fierce love that makes my heart sing to see it. If you tell Caitlin that our China baby isn't only her China baby, she will burst into tears. I love that about her. It teaches me more about how God loves me. We don't even know who our China baby is yet, but we love her, and God knows her and loves her more, much more. He takes great delight in her, He rejoices over her with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). And just like there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, so there is nothing she, our baby girl, needs to do to earn our love or make herself more lovely in our sight. We love her because she is beautiful, created by God in his image with purpose and intention and without mistake. She is treasured and she is wanted and while it cuts me deep to the heart that I can't carry her in my belly and feel her kick in my womb, I'm thankful for the way that God is growing her in my heart. A love for her. A fierce love. 

I am thankful for what even my 4 year old can teach me about love. She is going to be such a great jie jie. 

why adopt internationally when there are kids in America who need families?

Why do missions in other countries when there are those in America who haven't heard the Gospel yet? 

That's the comparison I make when this question comes up. Thankfully there are many (though many are still needed) who adopt kids from the U.S. - both through domestic infant or private adoptions and also out of the foster system. We have dear friends who have done both. For us, adopting internationally and specifically from China was a matter of calling. In missions, we aren't called to just go to the country in which we live, but Acts 1:8 tells us, "you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." In missions we are called to go to the ends of the earth to tell of the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In the same way, when God calls us to look after orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27), he doesn't put any qualifiers on it - he doesn't tell us to only go to the orphans in the area/country in which we live. Just as there are those who are sent out as missionaries to plant churches in America and to lead RUF to reach the lost on college campuses, so there are those who are called to adopt and foster the needy and orphaned in America. Just as there are those who are sent out to other countries to preach the word of God - to Prague, to India, to the Middle East, to Africa, so there are those who are called to adopt those vulnerable and orphaned children in the world beyond America. What's sad is that international adoptions by U.S. citizens has been declining. In 2004, there were an estimated 23,000 international adoptions by U.S. citizens. Fast forward to fiscal year 2014, and there were only 6,441 children adopted internationally (data from the US State Department). There's an interesting CNN article here on the reasons for the decline in international adoptions. The decline is not due to a decreasing number of orphans worldwide (I wish), but instead due to rising regulations (some with good intentions - for child protection, but often with not enough workers in place to meet the rising demands of the regulations) and political forces in sending countries. Ultimately, we feel that God has called us to China, we feel that He has a girl for us there. We are all made uniquely and given unique gifts, abilities, and callings, for which I am so glad - because what a boring place the world would be if we humans were all the same. Adam and I are so thankful to be unified in this calling. Though there are many daunting barriers ahead (especially the cost, estimated close to ~$40K, more on that later), we know that God is able and he is faithful. 

He is ABLE

So thankful for the reminder today from dear friends that are already lifting up our China baby in prayer...

Today, even as I heard that our I-800a application was received and signed for, and as we wait for the next step in what seems like a thousand steps (the receiving of our FBI fingerprinting appointment at the Homeland Security office in Charlotte), I am encouraged by friends and by our faithful God. 

I know that He is able...

Do I believe that He is able to do this (this thing that seems insurmountable at times)? To preserve us in the waiting? To bring us to our daughter? Yes, Lord. I believe. Help my unbelief. You are able. 

a 10,000 foot overview of our entire process

So our timeline... such a tricky question to answer because it depends on so many things, but I'll try to give an overview of the general bird's eye view of our process for adoption from China...

*First stage: the "paper-chase" (compilation of dossier), 6-7 months. The first step in the China adoption process takes about 6-7 months and is lovingly termed the "paper-chase" by some - it is the gathering of all the documents that ultimately will make up the dossier. What's a dossier, you ask? It is basically a gathering of background documents, the home study, and our I-800a approval (result of our USCIS  process - more on the next post) that all describe our life in a nutshell. Before the dossier can be shipped to China to be logged in to their database and translated into Mandarin, the individual components first have to be notarized, then certified by the NC Secretary of State, then authenticated by the U.S. State Department in Washington, D.C., and finally authenticated by the Chinese Embassy in Washington, D.C. Whew. It makes me tired just typing it all. We're thankful that we have already sent 14 of our documents through the entire process, and they're sitting all neat and tidy with their state seals and their Chinese embassy seals on them waiting for our last document - the I-800a approval. After that document comes we'll send our final 3 documents through the certification/authentication stage and then our dossier will be ready to send to China! We're hoping this will be done by the first of May which would be about 6 months since we started the 'paper-chase.'

*Second stage: waiting for a referral, 0-12 months. Once our dossier gets logged in in China (and we get an all-important LID - log in date) we will officially begin our wait for a referral. This second stage of waiting for a referral could be anywhere from 0-12 months or longer, but for us we are thinking it will be about 6-12 months of waiting. So, no - we don't have a specific child that we already know we are adopting (although we know that the Lord knows who she is already). Why, you ask, if there are so many orphans in China, do you have to wait so long for a referral? Well, there are just over a million orphans in China, but they are not all registered for adoption. It takes about 6 months for an individual child in an orphanage to be registered for adoption, and it is expensive. Often it is money that the orphanage just doesn't have. Our request - for a girl who is younger in age, is a common request, so as these children get registered, there's a type of a waiting list based on the date we were logged in to the CCCWA system (China's central database for adoption; there's that all important LID again). We hear that we may wait about 6-12 months from the time we get logged in. My hope and prayer is that we will know who our sweet China baby is by next Christmas... if everything gets sent to China by the first of May, this would be about 8.5 months of waiting. I would love if you would join me in praying this!

*Third stage: referral and preparation to travel, about 3 months. After we get a referral of our sweet girl we will have a bunch of paperwork to send back and forth with China saying that we officially accept the referral, etc, etc, etc. We'll have to get visas and book flights. All of this will center around the date we are given for our consulate appointment in China - the date that we finalize her adoption at the U.S. Embassy in Guangzhou, China.

*Fourth stage: travel, 2 weeks.

Our travel overview is that all that travel for adoptions typically stay about 2 weeks. We hope to travel with our two oldest kids and they (and we) are SO excited about it. I love that they'll have a first hand experience to talk about with our newest daughter and that they will be at such good ages to broaden their worldview (i.e. the entire world doesn't look like Charlotte, NC and that's a good thing to find out at 9 and 7.5 - the ages they will probably be when we travel). We'll fly into Beijing, China and spend about 2-3 days acclimating to the time change and doing some touring. From there, we will fly to our daughter's province, wherever that may be. We'll be there for about 4-5 days. After that we'll fly to Guangzhou, China in the south of China where the U.S. Embassy is and that is where all U.S. adoptions from China are ultimately processed and finalized. We'll be there for about a week, getting her required medical exams, waiting on a passport, and finalizing her adoption. After that we'll take a train/bus to Hong Kong, and fly home. When we touch down on U.S. soil, she'll officially be a U.S. citizen. Can't wait!

*Finally: home, forever.

Red Thread

I've been trying to learn all that I can about China as we're on this journey. Since it's where our baby is, when I'm reading about and imagining China it makes me feel nearer to her. I've mostly been reading historical fiction and memoirs. One thing I've noticed is that the Chinese sure love their ancient proverbs, and they are very superstitious. One Chinese proverb that I've come across several times really stands out to me as it relates to adoption-->



I love to think of this red thread as being God's providence. God has predestined us to meet our China baby. He knows who she is because He created her. And even in this adoption the following holds true...

He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

(Colossians 1:17)

Jesus is before all things - He was in the beginning with God and He was in control before I or our China baby arrived on this planet. He goes before us in this adoption, and in Him all things - even this adoption - hold together.

Thanks be to God for this promise to rely on! 

what have we done so far?

SO much it feels like!

Our home study is done! 
I want to shout it from the rooftops!

15 pages of our entire life story

3 copies, signed and notarized, arrived in the mail yesterday!

For those new to the adoption lingo, a home study is required for nearly all families prior to proceeding with an adoptive placement, whether interested in domestic or international adoption. Put simply, a home study is a review of us, our family, and our home environment. The main purpose of a home study is to ensure that the child is being placed in a suitable home and that good matches are made between families and children. Home studies are also in place to protect children from being adopted into homes that are unsuitable or unhealthy. An original, notarized, up-to-date (they are good for 18 months) home study is one of the documents that will make up our dossier (a collection of documents that we will eventually send to China) and is required to obtain international clearance to adopt via the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services process.

Before we could even start our in-person meetings with our social worker - we had to compile a series of documents:

• child abuse clearances from all states that we've lived in since we were 18 (which was thankfully only 2 for both of us)
• original birth certificates for all 6 of us
• original marriage license
• SBI (state bureau of investigation) background checks for Adam and I, that required local police department fingerprinting
• monthly income and expenses document
• financial statement
• employment verification for Adam and I
• income tax returns
• medical reports - more involved for Adam and I - also requiring a notarized doctor's letter thoroughly explaining any condition that was checked 'yes' and explaining any medications that are being taken
• medical reports for the kids
• health insurance card
• psychological evaluation (if necessary, thankfully not needed for us)
• pet vaccination record
• guardianship statement
• Hague training certificates (documenting that Adam and I completed at least 10 hours of adoptive training) - another blog for another day - what is the Hague convention?
• 4 references (thanks friends!)
• autobiographical questionnaires from both Adam and I (mine was 8 pages single spaced, I'm nothing if not through)
• The Connected Child questionnaire (after reading The Connected Child, a book about parenting kids from hard backgrounds)
• several other signed forms and agreements 

Whew! Thankfully a lot of these documents can/will also be used in our dossier that will be sent to China. We got this list of required documents on 11/3/15 and so the "paper chase" (as this stage of adoption in which you are gathering up and preparing a dossier, is often called) began. Instead of a physical pregnancy, this time around I have a paper pregnancy. You can see why I woke up at 5 am the next morning, 11/4/15 and wrote in my journal that I couldn't sleep because all the paperwork requirements were swirling around in my head and I just figured I might as well get up and get started organizing it. In this paper chase it can be overwhelming, but I found it comforting to just do the next thing... I think this is why Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:34 to "not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious about itself," because he created us and he knows us; he knows that we are so easily overwhelmed when we look into the vast future, so he gave us one thing to focus on... One day at a time, one document at a time, one step closer to our China baby. She is completely worth it. 

why China?

First most common question - why adopt?
Now onto the second most common question we're getting in this journey... why China?

There are so many reasons, but here are a few:

• there is a huge need: There are estimated to be just over a million orphans in China. (With Asia as a whole accounting for the largest number of orphans at approximately 60 million) 
• We love China. Adam spent a summer in college in China, specifically in Chengdu in the Sichuan Province and really fell in love with the people and the culture there. Possibly because I fell in love with Adam that year just before he left for China, or possibly just because God gave me an interest - I've always been fascinated by the Chinese culture as well.

• We've both always had a vision for a girl from China in our family. In March 2015 we attended an Adoption 101 class with Adoption Support Alliance, a local nonprofit, and learned a lot about adoption there. While there we talked to some other couples who stated that they had always thought about international adoption but they could never decide on a country. Adam and I both looked at each other and thought, "hmmm, maybe it does mean something that we've both always pictured a little Chinese girl in our family" - maybe this unified vision is actually more than just a vision, but a calling from the Lord. That was another seed in the journey. 
• While orphanages in China used to be filled with mostly healthy girls due to the One Child Policy, now as that is relaxing, orphanages now are filled with both genders - boys and girls - but the vast majority of the babies there have medical needs. We felt like the fact that we have health insurance and also that I have a medical background that we were equipped to deal with varying medical needs.
• China adoptions are pretty straight-forward. They've been happening for years and years, and the process is very streamlined. We'll be in country for only two weeks, compared to some African nations that necessitate travel more than once or residence in the nation for up to three months (which isn't feasible for us with our jobs and our other kids). 

So there it is - your answer to frequently asked question number 2.

Can't wait to add a dark haired beauty to this crazy light-haired crew...

Next post... what have we done so far to get to this point...

how did we get here?

I figured I'd revive the old blog (and boy do I feel rusty at it...) to explain a little about our recent big announcement (ADOPTION!) and maybe chronicle the details on this new step in our lives. I kind-of loved pulling this thing back up - I love that the last post was from 2011 when I had 2 little kiddos and was pregnant with a third and then life was a whirlwind and the blog was the first to go. Anyways, I digress.

Adoption... it's something that Adam and I have always talked about since first getting married. It's always been in the back of our minds, wondering about if/when and in the meantime being blessed by God with many arrows via the biological route. We've prayed for and watched dear friends add sweet kiddos to their families through adoption and each time our hearts were pricked more and more for our China baby. When Hudson (precious blonde arrow #4) turned one, I really felt that adoption was the Lord's next step for us but Adam wasn't so sure (money, long timeline, lots of logistical work, heck: a 5th kid) and we would have periodic conversations about it, but really after the first couple of those conversations didn't go well, I just committed to praying daily about it (not bringing it up constantly ever, not talking about it unless Adam brought it up, not nagging Adam about it, but just literally praying about it and entrusting it to the Lord that He would lead us in the way that we should go). I prayed that if a baby from China was God's plan for us that the Lord would change Adam's mind (specifically praying Isaiah 30:21 - that Adam would know - this is the way for your family, walk in it). And the Lord answered my prayers!

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1 John 5:14

Daily prayers for a year. Thanks be to God. [I have many friends who have prayed for things, babies especially, for much longer than this and my heart breaks for them. This statement of praying for a year and receiving a tangible answer is in no way meant to minimize those who have longed for things for much longer and who still wait ---> for those friends I know 2 things: 1. God hears you, 2. God is good. Keep crying out.]

Last October, we went to a benefit for the Pregnancy Resource Center in Charlotte and the speaker there was very pro-adoption and that night Adam told me that about a week prior he knew that we were supposed to adopt and he was just waiting for the right time to tell me. That was on October 8th, 2015. I had been researching agencies, narrowing them down, and after discussion with Adam, we decided to move forward with America World Adoption Agency (AWAA). I've posted a timeline on the right hand side of the blog for those who'd like to follow along with us on this journey.

So the short answer as to how we got here? God led us here. We are SO excited and SO thankful.

We're excited because... I don't know if you know this about me, but I love adventures of any kind. On our recent (last summer) 11th anniversary trip to Hawaii we went on this big 17 mile kayak trip around Kauai - named one of the top adventures in the U.S. by National Geographic. I like to say that in an alternate life I would have been some mountain climber or hiker or something that involved big things and taking risks. And in my/our actual reality, God led us to this adventure of adoption - something that involves big things - big hearts, big love, big money, big travel... and taking risks. I love it so much.
We're thankful because... I feel like we're able to even do this thing (emotionally, financially- but hello we'll need a lot of help with that obviously - get ready for tshirts etc, etc) because of all that God has blessed us with already. He has blessed us with stable jobs, with healthy kids that are well-adjusted, with a house, food, healthcare, a great church/community of support, friends.  Really all that we need. We're able to open our homes and our hearts to another little one out of a response of thankfulness from all that He has already given us and blessed us with. We have all the material things we need and we have a family - the one thing that China baby needs... a family. We can be that for her.

I hope to keep up with this blog as a way to document our adoption adventure for friends, family, and most importantly, our baby girl that's waiting for us on the other side of the world.

Next post up... why China?

12.5.11 a surprise present

Today I picked Caleigh up from school and she had a gift bag that she had decorated with glue and glitter.
me: Caleigh, is this for you to put a Christmas present in?
Cals: Yes.  It's for me to put your Christmas present in.
me: Oh fun, I can't wait to see what it is.
Cals: Silly mommy, it's a surprise.  I made it for you at school.
me: Ok - we can put the bag under the tree until you bring home my present to put in it.
Cals: Ok Mommy.  But Mommy - at home we have a wreath on the door that isn't a surprise.

Can't imagine what my Christmas present might be...
A wreath?

Can't wait to see it.

Love this sweet girl!

11.15.11 neighborhood walking

Love being able to take walks around our sweet little neighborhood.

Yes ma'am

Caleigh: Don't say that to me Andrew. What did I just tell you?

(She doesn't want to talk right. She is having quiet time.)

Andrew: Yes ma'am Caleigh.

Oh my.

9.20.11 frozen blueberries

9.22.11 only our son

9.8.11 baby teeth

Today I laughed out loud hysterically at the kids.  The really do say the funniest things.

Andrew had fallen down earlier and scraped both of his knees again and was unusually sad about it, probably because he was hungry and tired.  After we got in the car, Caleigh was trying to make him feel better (I guess) so she said in a super sweet voice: "It's ok, Andrew.  In just a minute my teeth will fall out.  My little tiny baby teeth.  It's ok, Andrew."

I just laughed and laughed.  We have some friends whose kids are losing their baby teeth and Caleigh has been asking a lot about it - so maybe that explains it.  So funny though.

9.7.11 first day of preschool

Today Caleigh had her first day of preschool in the 3s class. She had already been in to meet her teacher and was really excited to go. As soon as she woke up this morning she got herself dressed in the dress she had picked out and put on her backpack. She wore her backpack all morning until it literally wouldn't fit in the carseat.

Adam and I took her out to breakfast at the pancake house (just her!) for a special treat before the big day.

She had such a great day and when I picked her up her teachers kept saying how sweet she was. Which is true. This really is the best way to describe our precious first born.

9.2.11 shopping

Picking out bedding for our sweet baby girl on the way. I love nesting and I especially love to start it as soon as possible (as in the day after we found out that this sweet baby peanut is a girl)! I also love how much I am starting to feel sweet baby girl moving around and kicking those tiny feet. Such a blessing!

9.1.11 gender reveal!

We had our big 18 week anatomy scan ultrasound this morning at 9:30 and then saw the doctor at 10 and he confirmed that the ultrasound showed... we are having a healthy baby!  We were so so thankful and we decided to have them not tell us the gender (and she told us when to look away during the ultrasound).  After the ultrasound she sealed the gender and the baby ultrasound pics in an envelope (licked, closed, and sealed with 2 layers of tape).  I dropped the envelope off at Mary's house who made a gorgeous cake for us!  We were totally 50:50 - we had no idea whether this sweet baby was a girl or a boy.  Andrew and I voted boy and dressed accordingly...

The cake was beautiful and had a neutral outside... we had NO clue what the inside would reveal...

 Adam and Caleigh voted girl and also dressed accordingly...

I made dueling chicken pot pies - a boy one and a girl one... still no clue...

 Another cute pic of the ones going for pink...

 Ummm, Mom... just cut the cake... Andrew kept saying, "I bite it cake? I bite it cake?"

And (cue video) it's a...

GIRL!  Adam was so right - he really thought it was a girl (and so did Caleigh and I in the beginning).

 The table was set and we enjoyed a great dinner with friends... We are so thankful for the sweet friends who joined us around the table to celebrate this evening - Mary, Dave, Carrie, Tyler... we are so thankful for you guys!  And a special shout out to Melissa and Jake Hunt who stayed up extra late (Prague time) and joined us via speaker phone for the big reveal - thank you guys for making it special!

And I SO appreciate this sweet friend being the first one to find out the news, keep it totally secret, make a great cake for us, and tolerate with grace complete chaos at her house.  I'm so thankful for you, Mary!

So we are really really excited.  Thankful most of all for a healthy baby - I really was thinking it was going to be a boy and I am totally surprised that it is a girl - but we are very happy and very thankful.  Praise the Lord for this miracle of life!